what men want

They say that we women are one of the most intangible things, that to understand us is the impossible even for god what say about man. I really don't know about that, i think it is very easy to understand me or what i want, for what i want is one simple thing, i want Debyajeet.
Let me take you back about three months when debyajeet joined our office. Our is a entertainment production house, what that means is that all those silly serials that people see on tv, we make them. debyajeet had joined in as assistant creative director. I am an aspiring movie actress, but instead of desperately vying my luck in bollywood i first tried the easier option of getting into serials. A pretty face, a really hot body touched up wid a smooth voice and loads of attitude get you to a lot of places, serials is one of them.

Debya has no great looks or a hot body, that ways he is just ok, he is average and lanky, infact i so wish that he atleast had cute butts but no looks wise he was just about average though he has mischevious eyes, i think of his body that is about all that is really good, his eyes. But even when all the other actresses were busy crooning with the hunks, some of whom who could barely act, all i could do was gush over debya. I can't really put a finger to it but i guess in a world where everybody is a hunk and looks like hrithik roshan you start to value stuff deeper than that, that was debya for me. During the breaks While the other actors were playing the fool or hitting on us co-stars there he was sipping his coffee or puffing on his cigar and reading satyajit ray or this or that. After work he would stay back and play chess with the camera men, they would also include the other crew, people the other actors and all never hung about with. It was not like he isn't crazy like the other guys, u shud see when they play quake or nfs on their laptops, the taunts he gives, though probably one of the wittiest i've heard. Even the way he goes about the work, his energy and enthusiasm are like contagious, though sometimes he gets angry like anything but most of the times he's even patient with the dumbest of us, and its not like he's being patient but more like he understands that everybody can't see his vision in one go, he takes time and tries different ways of bringing home the detail, the point.

So that is me, a hot actress woefully infatuated wid my assistant creative producer. Now the only problem is that anybody else if they had the slightest inkling that i liked them would have gone to the temple and thanked their stars, but debya is like cold, as in he's really not interested in me. And its not like he's gay or anything, in our industry you get to know who is what, he had a girlfriend earlier, Rashi, a junior producer or something, she went abroad for studying movie making further never to return. And just in case you are thinking so here is a pretty girl after an intellectual guy and he doesn't like her so she must be really dumb. But the whole thing is i'm not, i was a topper at school, am well read, know a lot about world affairs and yet for the past three months all i have been getting is the cold shoulder and i am at my wits end to understand why, why o why? what is it that he wants.

About a month back it struck me, to u know try and find out the real person, see what life he lives and everything and i have become almost an amateur detective by now. He lives with a flatmate in friends colony, drives a black corsa sail, never goes to a temple or any religious place, every saturday he hits the bar in taj mansingh and flirts royally there with the waitresses, but i guess it all in good fun, seems the people there are his friends and all, cause he never got slapped by any waitress there even with but pinching and all and neither did he bring any home, ever. He buys books from crossword and also rents a few out from a library close by.

Heck i even managed to sneak into his place once when he wasn't there when the maid came pretending to be there to meet him. He maintains a mixture of tidiness and clumsiness. the room is clean and so is the table but the bed is like one big clutterhouse. He has a poster of an Aston Martin hung over his bead and one of bob dylan on the side wall. He reads a whole gamut of books including porn, some pretty kinky also, heck he even likes archaeology.

On one sunday he went to a home for the destitute kids, looked like he was sponsoring a kid, he did talk to him but i think he looked awkward, he hugged him and all, gave him gifts he had brought but never got really pally with him and the kid looked so like i want a friend, somebody who i can love and be family with; but i guess debya was the typical guy in his mid twenties not sure what to do with a kid.

But when he's so normal then what is it that he wants, why can't he accept me, what is so wrong with me.

Oh damn the lights have gone now, this happens so often in delhi i tell u its frustrating. Rat a tat tat, looks like somebody found this the perfect time to pay a visit.

"Wait am coming, hold on to your horses for a sec will please"

I manage to light a candle and get to the door, its debya, i'm not sure whether he's seeing a shocked faced, or a pleasantly surprised face or what, all i know is that i don't know what to say or do now.

He brings up a small bunch of roses, i grab them and also my senses "Hey, hi this is surprising, come in come in...the bloody electricity also had to go now"

He comes in in the dark "be careful follow my candlelight" ," here come have a seat" He ploughs down on the sofa "sorry for dropping in without a call, was passing by thought would pay a visit"

For three months i have been wanting him to pay a visit and this is how he comes, when there's no light, i haven't even waxed, damn don't even know if there is anything in the fridge to offer him. He cuts short my thoughts

"So what did you find out?"

"Find out, find out what?" for a moment i can't even connect to the question and then i realise what he's saying

"About me, for the past one month you have been following me more strongly than my shadow, what did you find out?"

"That you are like any other guy, same habits, same everything, Oh debya the whole unit knows i have a thing for you, even you can't be oblivious to that, then what is it that you don't like in me, am i not beautiful, am i not good to have a conversation with, what is it in me that you don't like?"

Even in the dark with just the glow of candlelight i could make out his face change expressions, it became even more serene than before. "I have always had this dream about setting up a school, finally after 5 years of saving and planning i have bought land in himachal, a nice little place in the hills. I will be quitting the job, Raunak will be taking over from next month; i move lock stock and barrel to Himachal by month end."

"Rashi couldn't understand why i would want to leave all of this to go there to set up a school, but thats just me, thats what i always wanted to do."

"You are beautiful and on top of that smart and intelligent, you have a promising career ahead, not as a tv star but in bollywood, the chopra banner is already showing a lot of interest in you, so now you know why i couldn't warm up to you, i couldn't deal with..."

That is as far as he got with his sentence for the sound of my slap on his cheeks resonated through the house..... and then i kissed him, "next time it would be less painful if u just asked you dumbo"...and then i got back to kissing him...and he drew me closer to him, tight in his grasp like i had always dreamt he would...